My Conversation With Derek

Well. After I realized the monkeys were on to us, I knew I had to tell Derek. He was asleep when I figured it out, so I spent a long time trying to figure out what to do. Should I wake him up and tell him? He's always extra-cranky and not very smart when he first wakes up - maybe it would be better to let him sleep. But what if the monkeys are on their way?

But at heart I knew that I was just afraid to tell him, because he'd be so mad. He warned me and warned me that this blog was a bad idea, although I don't think he even considered the idea that it would let the monkeys track us down. I mean, one of the key concepts of "hiding" is that you DON'T LET ANYONE KNOW WHERE YOU ARE. damn it all, I really screwed up. I felt awful. And I just wasn't ready to face Derek yet.

So I got the laser rifle out from under Gretchen's mattress and sat with it. If the monkeys came, at least I'd be prepared. I wasn't entirely sure how it worked, but how hard could it be? I spent a long time running my fingers over it in the dark, familiarizing myself with the controls. Push this button, pull the trigger, presto - there's no other way it could work. The technology might be advanced but the user interface is exquisitely simple.

I fell asleep around 1 am. I am a sucky guard. Luckily the monkeys did not come, and we all survived the night. Maybe the nice monkey was telling the truth, after all. But I knew I couldn't risk it.

So after a nice breakfast, I let Derek beat me at Scrabble; I wanted him to be in as good of a mood as possible before I told him. Finally, as he was putting away the tiles, I knew I couldn't put it off any longer.

"Honey," I said, and then stopped. How do you confess that you've betrayed your location to the evil robot monkeys?

"Hmmm?" he said.

"You know how you said we should always be honest with each other?"

"Of course," he said. "And I've always been honest with you. I swear. Why, what did you hear?"

"What?"

"Uh, nothing. Never mind. What was it you were saying?"

"Well. I have to tell you something. But I'm afraid you're going to be mad."

"Oh, sweetie. I promise I won't be mad. You can tell me anything. Honesty is important."

"Really?"

"Really," he assured me. "I won't get mad."

So I told him.

He got mad.

I let him yell at me for a few minutes, and then I took Gretchen and went way over to the other side of the basement to give him some time to get it out of his system. Finally, he was ready to discuss things rationally.

"We need to leave here and go to New Utopia," I said.

"No," he said. "No way am I taking you and Gretchen there."

"But they have electricity. And machine guns. We'll be safe there. Safer than here, at least."

"No! That man - the things they're doing there - "

"Like what?" Like turning on the LIGHTS so they can see each other? Like having other human beings around to talk to? Like having armed guards to protect us from the monkeys? Great! Sign me up! I don't know what Derek is so paranoid about.

Derek paused. "It's just rumors," he said. "But I don't know. Any time you take a group of people, isolated and under stress, and give them a charismatic power-hungry leader like Mr. Kotter, things get weird. I don't trust him."

Fine. Don't tell me. Because there's nothing to tell, I thought, but was smart enough not to say it. It was so clear to me that Derek felt threatened by Mr. Kotter - he was afraid Mr. Kotter would do a better job at taking care of me and Gretchen than he could. All this stupid macho bullshit is going to get us killed someday.

"But we can't stay here," I said. And they had ELECTRICITY at New Utopia. "We have to go somewhere."

Just then Gretchen started to cry. "Please, Derek," I said. "We have to keep her safe. Please."

He sighed. "All right," he said, finally. "I don't like it, but maybe it'll be ok until I can find another safe place for us.

"Oh, thank you, Derek!" I said, and leaned over and kissed him.

Well. That had gone better than I could possibly have hoped. It's not every day that you jeopardize the safety of your entir family with a blog, and live to tell the tale.

We started packing again, trying to decide what we'd need in our new lives and what we could leave here. It was heartbreakingly familiar, just like the first night that we fled from the monkeys.

Finally we were ready. Derek unlocked the door, and we walked out into the sunlight.