WWJD?

Well. Demosthenes has been sending me e-mail all day, telling me that Maddie is a robot monkey in disguise - and she is freakishly good at Scrabble. DAISI started in with the suspicions, too. Every time I looked up, Maddie and Derek were talking about something. I tried to be part of the conversation a few times but they would just sort of smile patiently at me. I hate that. I really hate that.

And Demosthenes kept after me. "She's a monkey," he kept saying. And DAISI - they both kept after me, all day.

OK, so it's true, I'm worried about my family. Our life here is tough but it's a good life and I'm determined to protect it. But I also don't want to become completely paranoid. If I can't connect with other human beings any more, then the evil robot monkeys have won, you know? So I spent all afternoon going back and forth, weighing my options. I was getting really worked up about it, too.

Then I thought: What would Jimmy Carter do? And all became clear.

So I crushed up some sleeping pills and slipped them into Derek and Maddie's macaroni and cheese dinners. After they were asleep, DAISI and I tied them to the beds so that they couldn't struggle, and then I took a razor blade and sliced open Maddie's shoulder to see if she would bleed.

She did.

She's human. And she's pissed, and so is Derek, and everyone's mad at me, and I don't know how to fix this. God damn it.

I guess I should untie them. But I don't want to.